Genesis

Trigger Warning – Childloss

This time last year I like a lot of you was stuck inside. Working from home, enjoying zoom happy hours, facetiming my loved ones and wearing a mask every time I left the house. Like a lot of other women who have quarantine babies I discovered I was pregnant too.

I sat in the doctors office, because of one thing. I didn’t feel good though. I had been so dead tired that I struggled to get up and get logged in for work. Something told me to just cross out pregnancy. The results came back negative, and I was on my way with a treatment for the other issue and told to just rest and that maybe it was my notorious PMS making me tired before my cycle.

I got in my truck and headed home, then I got a call that changed my life. “Ms. Peters, please come back to the office, we made a mistake and your pregnancy test, it’s positive”. I have never felt my soul leave my body, but that day it did.

I pulled over to make sure I was hearing this correctly? I immediately got scared because for so long my doctors told me my health was not the best that I wouldn’t be able to carry a child to term. I immediately got scared for my little baby. I wanted to be happy that I was pregnant, but all the words from previous doctors rang in my ear all day that day. I called my best friend Jen, then my mom. By the time I got home. I was crying and stressed for this child already.

I wish I could say that every experience with my pregnancy was blissful but it wasn’t. However, I did everything I could to make sure this child would be born as healthy as possible. I started taking insulin, I was militant on taking my meds on time. I made every appointment. I started walking on a regular basis. I made it to 20 weeks, and felt some relief that I made it that far. I finally felt okay to celebrate, to take pictures, to tell people I was pregnant.

Within that week, I was in the hospital. My BP was sky high and they wouldn’t let me go home. I was scared the entire time, but tried to maintain some look of stability, calmness. Inside I was screaming please God just let her be okay. I wanted to be a mother to this baby so bad. I was ready to tackle this new chapter. I talked to her all day in my stomach and told her she is strong and that i’m doing everything I can to go home and let her bake until she’s ready.

Eventually my blood pressure got so put of control I had to be taken to ICU, which was a traumatic experience. The entire time I was told how strong I am, and how the nurses were inspired by my strength. I didn’t want to be strong. I wanted to go home with this little girl and come back when I was ready. Throughout the stay, I found out that she was too small, her growth was behind. Doctors started saying that she may be disabled, that she might not have a good quality of life, all of the odds were stacked against her. The only thing that kept me going is that I heard her heartbeat everyday. I had faith that God would turn this around. That I would take my baby home.

At some point, my mom and my husband were called in and everyone was told that I had to make a choice. The truth is that I didn’t have much of a choice. The only choice I could make is weather to give birth vaginally or surgically. I was out of options and my health was at risk that even my husband told me to stop pushing this. He didn’t want to bury me. So I choose to see her, to get a little bit of time with her and see her face. I knew that she would more than likely pass during the birthing process and she did. The hospital staff dressed her in a tiny hat and a handmade receiving blanket. I looked down at her face and a flood of memories I made for her came in.

I would never see this little girl laughed, or cry. Run outside, play with toys. Sass me as a teenager, get married, have children of her own. I wanted all of that for Genesis. I wanted her to be a beautiful girl who I’d give all the love I had. The hospital prepared an ice bed for her so I could just be with her, but I held her the entire time. Giving up and watching her be taken off was one of the worse memories I have now.

Genesis was a beautiful girl. She looked like my mom. She was tiny, a long. She had feet like her dad and lips like her mom. My pregnancy was so many things for me. I truly enjoyed carrying Genesis, I was happy at the idea of being her mom and excited for the experience. Yet, worry was always there. In the end, I became a momma to a baby that fought hard.

I wish things turned out differently and burying a child is one of the hardest things I’ve every had to process and go through in my life. I pray for other moms who had to experience this because it’s been a roller coaster of emotions since this time last year.

I get triggered by babies, black girls especially. It’s hard to be around pregnant women, it’s hard to be present around friends who are pregnant. The grief never gets better even with time. So I have to be gentle with myself, I have to take care of myself, I have to be aware that some days I will totally not be okay around pregnancy or babies. I have to give myself Grace for the emotions I feel guilty for having sometimes.

Genesis changed my life.

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Jerk Lamb Tacos

Well, y’all it’s day 51 of isolation due to the Rona. I have to admit the best part of this is getting to know myself. Doing things I swear I didn’t have time for like cooking. I love cooking, I love food, and I love to eat it.

The grocery store has been hit or miss. There was a time I went in to find the entire meat section full of lunchables. But as time goes on and people are used to the new way of life, more and more meat and proteins have made it’s way back to the shelves.

I’m super hard on myself when it comes to posting recipes, because I feel cameras need to be purchased, editing, set up. But guess what, I think we’re all just coping. I was lucky enough to find these lamb shoulders. At first I was going to make curry lamb that I used to make a lot. But, I couldn’t fine the exact recipe and had some Jerk Seasoning in the fridge.

Grace Jerk Seasoning - Hot - 1 Bottle 10 oz - Spicy Authentic Jamaican Jerk - -

Since returning to blogging I’ve let go of the idea that everything has to be homemade and from scratch. Grocery shopping has gotten really expensive. No fuss and less stress has been my motto. I’ve been leaning towards easier recipes and using up everything in my fridge before I shop again.

These tacos are super simple. I used my Instapot which has been such a time saver. I have no suggestions on how to cook these other than a crockpot. I don’t know how to bake/roast/grill lamb. So there it is.

Once the lamb is cooked, the rest is easy. Grab some tortilla, put whatever toppings you want. I kept it super simple. Raw Onion, Cilantro and Jalapeño. Drizzle some of your favorite taco sauce if you like.


Jerk Lamb Tacos

Fool Proof Tacos
Prep Time1 d
Cook Time35 mins

Equipment

  • Instapot Pressure Cooker

Ingredients

Lamb Filling

  • 1 lb Lamb Shoulders
  • 3 tbsp Jerk Seasoning
  • 1 Juice of Lemon
  • 3/4 cup water

Tacos

  • 4-6 Tortillas (whichever) your preference

Toppings

  • Raw Onion
  • Cilantro
  • Jalapeno
  • Mango Salsa
  • Lime Crema

Instructions

Prepping the Lamb

  • Place your lamb in a large Ziploc.
  • Add Juice of one lemon and Grace Seasoning.
  • Close Ziploc and massage meat and let marinate for a few hours or overnight.

Preparing the Lamb.

  • Turn on Instapot.
  • Place the lamb in the Instapot.
  • Cook on high pressure for 35 minutes. Slow release for about 10-15 mins.
  • Remove the lamb from it's juice, remove bones. Reserve the broth for dipping, if that's your thing.

Assembly.

  • Warm your Tortillas
  • Place your Lamb inside.
  • Top with your favorite taco toppings.

Notes

The toppings should be simple. You don’t want to overpower the jerk seasoning. Simple toppings like Onion/Cilantro complement these tacos. If you want to cool off a bit of the spice a Mango Salsa would be great or Mixing Lime and sour cream to make a crema. 

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Lil Red Jacket

Black Girl Fashion Blogger

It’s really cool when you can fit your friends clothes. I got this cute wild fable red moto jacket from Jen, my sis from JenJeanPierre. She’s also took these awesome photos for me. I went on a stress shopping binge, again with Jen when I picked up this printed tiered midi dress from Target. Again, Target just send me all the things! I love the spring dresses they have coming out.

This whole look is target, even the jacket Jen gave me. I have never been a fan of this style of dress. However, our friend Princess, who runs Personal Bravery inspired me. This woman can wear a dress okay! I love how she styles her clothes so much. So she was definitely and inspiration for me to step outside of my comfort zone and get this dress. I love the fit of the dress, gathering at the waist and giving my some action around the shoulders.

Plus Size Target Clothing Styling
Black Style Blogger styling moto jacket

Dress – Plus SizeStraight (Non-Affiliated Links)

Red Moto Jacket Styling

Did I get it right? Love or Hate it? How are you holding up in isolation? I’d love to hear what you’re doing to keep busy.

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Spice up your life.

Hey Girl, Hey

Photographer – Jen Jean Pierre.

If you don’t already know me. My name is Elle and I’m returning from a 4 year blogging break. I felt that itch to get creative again, I miss talking about clothes, sharing recipes and most I missed interacting with like minded folks.

So, whats been up? Well, I’ve been keeping a low profile and only posting on Instagram, adjusting to my 30’s and still trying to figure it all out.

I’ve been through an interesting four years. During that time I’ve had ups and downs. I’ve made friends, strengthened bonds, lost some friends too. However, the experience is a part of life and I adjusted.

My biggest flex in the past 4 years, I started therapy. I figured out what works for me in terms of self care. I’ve created routines, and learned about my coping styles to stress. I wondered if I myself was a good friend and decided to change some possibly toxic traits about myself as well. I looked change in the eye and faced it. Luckily, a lot of my friends understood me through the down times, and really showed up for me. God was looking out for me especially when I had no idea why certain things happened.

I learned a lot about myself being in a relationship romantically. Whew, was that a test! I won’t get into that here.

As a daughter, niece, and granddaughter I’ve been working on becoming a better me for my family. In a nutshell the past 4 years has been a roller coaster of emotions. The good, the bad and the ugly. However, so thankful to my creator to understand that my ups and downs made me a better me.

I hope the content I have planned is cool enough for you to share, and come back for more. Until next time…

The Outfit

Now, Lets get into this fit. This skirt was a recent buy at Target. I’ve been buying a lot of Target! Target seems to get it right this spring. I saw a lot of light fabrics, stone colors, and pants to die for. The slip skirt trend is nothing new, but I never had the courage to wear them. One reason, I never felt they looked “right” on my body. On the website, this color is listed as red. If I had to guess this would classify as orange, copper, rust. Target has a few items in this color range for spring. I can’t wait to share the awesome pants I got from them as well.

Here, I paired my slip skirt with a VERY OLD and I guess what’s considered Spice Girls Vintage Tee. I was so obsessed with the Spice Girls. I’ve had this shirt since elementary school. I’m still a bit uncomfortable with my belly…sue me.

To feel like this outfit was flattering enough for me, I decided to layer puffy bomber jacket that I purchased from BooHoo years ago. These boots, you might remember if you were an OG Eat.Style.Play reader. These boots are super old, but still my go to this day. I’m a sucker with white soled shoes and refuse to let them go.

Bomber Jacket Options 1/2/3
Satin Skirt 1/2(PLUS)/3

These are not affiliated links.


Thanks for rocking with me today.

-Elle




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